OPINION: Flag-waving conservatives can’t seem to understand the difference between Caucasian coup attempts and Black demonstrations for justice, so we thought we’d explain.
Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio
Ronald Reagan was confused.
Unfazed by the higher-than-average ambient temperature and the screams of agony, he didn’t immediately notice that his mental capacity had been restored to its full working condition at first. As he peered across the hellscape to find a familiar face, he immediately recognized George Washington, drenched in sweat, tossing chunks of a Black substance into a furnace shaped like a dragon’s mouth.
“Welcome to hell,” said Washington, as he dumped another shovelful of fossil fuel into the abyss belching forth the fire and brimstone that surrounded them both. “Grab a shovel and get to work.”
“Hell?” Reagan replied. “I think I’m in the wrong place. Let me speak to a manager.”
“I’m the manager on duty,” said the American Cincinnatus. “Let me guess, you thought you’d be in heaven. Well…Surprise!”
The Gipper suddenly remembered how he earned an endorsement from the Ku Klux Klan after giving a racist speech at the site of a civil rights murder. He recalled how he ascended to the highest level of American politics by demonizing poor African Americans, defending South African apartheid, opposing the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act and every piece of civil rights legislation in his life. He even remembered when he argued: “If an individual wants to discriminate against Negroes or others in selling or renting his house, it is his right to do so.”
Marinating in the eternal hellfires, Reagan turned toward the father of his country and offered the only defense he could muster to explain the actions that had earned his spot in the VIP section of Hades, asking:
“But what about the welfare queens?”
*****
Jack Del Rio was confused.
Unfazed by the violent mob’s attempt to overturn one of the “freedoms” he claims to love, the Washington Commanders’ defensive coordinator couldn’t quite comprehend why Congress needed to investigate the attempted insurrection on Jan. 6. As he peered across the political landscape to find an explanation, Del Rio belched forth a chunk of false equivalency into the abyss of social media.
“Would love to understand ‘the whole story’ about why the summer of riots, looting, burning and the destruction of personal property is never discussed but this is ???” wrote the Washington Commanders’ defensive coordinator on Twitter.
“Welcome to Hell,” replied Satan’s shift supervisor, Nikole Hannah-Jones virtual stalker and penis length expert Andrew Sullivan in a tweet comparing the George Floyd protests to the Caucasian coup d’etat. “$2 billion in property damage in the 1619 riots – which were followed by a surge in murders of black Americans. You can despise this mass violence as well as January 6.”
Lucifer Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) excused the unscheduled Capitol Rotunda tour to today!
The post The difference between white insurrections and Black protests, explained appeared first on TheGrio.
