*I’ll be frank. You may think cooking, cleaning, and having sex with him regularly are the keys to making him feel loved. But I assure you, for many men, the ultimate sign of love is simply being treated with respect by their partner.
Feeling respected provides men with the emotional security they need to give and receive love in a relationship. If he’s not convinced that you respect him, he may not feel comfortable opening up to you about his emotions, and it’ll likely put limits on his effort to please you.
I can just imagine how quickly your eyes rolled as you were reading the previous paragraph. However, the objective for you at this moment should be to learn effective ways to better connect with your partner. So I’m asking you respectfully to quiet that voice in your head screaming “It’s his fault!” For you to fully digest the information provided in this chapter, you’ll need to have an open mind.
Okay, let’s continue.
In our society, men have been conditioned to believe that their sense of self-worth is tied to their ability to conform to masculine norms. This often leads to a constant need for validation for them to feel secure in their masculinity.
For you to successfully coexist with your mate, you need to show him respect in a way that he understands and appreciates. This involves using a calm and respectful tone and avoiding confrontational language.
For example, when you’re frustrated with his behavior, try quietly and calmly expressing your grievances in a way that won’t threaten his ego. I’m sure it’s tough to keep your cool after you’ve repeatedly asked him to complete a task or make a change, but you won’t get a positive response if he feels disrespected.
Instead, start with a question like: “What is holding you back from doing what I ask?” This can help you identify any barriers and find solutions to overcome them. After receiving constructive feedback, he’ll likely be more receptive and open to discussing potential improvements.
When I’m coaching married women, they often ask me the same question: “How can I get my husband to show more vulnerability and communication?”
It’s something that many of them struggle with, and I always give the same advice: “If you want his love, then you must show him respect. Not just some of the time. But all of the time. Period.”
It seems that women and men often struggle with understanding their partner’s needs and desires in a relationship.
Emerson Eggerichs, the best-selling author of “Love and Respect,” asserts: “Women need love. Men need respect. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.”
The foundation for his book is a theorized gender difference he identified by posing this question: If you were forced to choose one of the following, which would you prefer to endure… to be left alone and unloved in the world, or to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?
In his original sample of 400 males, 74 percent said that if they were forced to choose, they would prefer feeling alone and unloved rather than feeling disrespected and inadequate (p.49). He collected data on a female sample and found that a comparable majority would rather feel disrespected and inadequate than alone and unloved. Based on this data, Eggerichs concluded that a wife “needs love just as she needs air to breathe,” and a husband “needs respect just as he needs air to breathe” (p. 37).
@jaredcaellis Respect is often times the love language for a man. #relationships #viral #men #women #relationship ♬ Sad Emotional Piano – DS Productions
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As a relationship coach, I have noticed that women make up the majority of my coaching clients. I believe this is because they are more open to seeking personal development and growth. However, when I’ve coached single and divorced men, they all pinpointed disrespect as the primary reason their relationships didn’t last. As I reflect on these conversations, I recall one gentleman in particular, who told me:
“Once the respect is gone, the relationship is over.”
Another said: “Women prioritize love, men need respect.”
During one of my coaching sessions, a father and son duo said there was constant tension at home before the family was ripped apart by divorce.
“She didn’t respect my position as the leader and provider of our home,” the father explained, referring to his ex-wife. “I ended the marriage because I was tired of her disrespecting me in front of our children. She asked to make it work. Told me she loved me. But I was already done.”
Since the time of Adam and Eve, relationship advice in the bible has alluded to the notion that men require respect to love the women in their lives, and women require love to respect the men in their lives.
In my opinion, gender does not play a role in the importance of respect. I would argue that men and women value being respected, there’s no disparity.
The difference comes in terms of how each group perceives and defines respect.
In his book, Eggerichs mentions asking over 500 men the following question: “When I’m engaged in a disagreement with my wife, I’m more likely to feel:
A. That my wife currently does not respect me.
B. That my wife does not currently love me.”
The findings indicated that 81.5% of men felt disrespected during an argument. When these moments occur, men instinctively listen for changes in a woman’s voice level, tonality, and overall vocal expression. A shift to a harsh or dismissive tone indicates a lack of respect.
If his perception is that she’s being combative or condescending, he may respond defensively, causing further tension in their conversation. This supports the idea that nonverbal cues play a crucial role in interpersonal interactions between men and women.
When there’s conflict in a relationship, a woman typically waits for opportunities to express and discuss her feelings, while a man may prefer to avoid confrontation and let things resolve on their own.
She cares less about policing her partner’s words and delivery, and more about highlighting the problem and how it’s affecting her emotionally.
@thequotecircle A man must feel respected. #tqb #relationships #respect #men #love ♬ original sound – thequotecircle
To sum it up, women tend to value emotional support, communication, and consistency while men prioritize softness and femininity. If either party in a relationship feels deprived of these qualities by their partner, it’s perceived as disrespect.
With more than 4 billion men living on this planet, a study involving only 500 may not accurately represent the entire male population. But no matter where you go in the world, you’ll likely discover that above all else, men value respect in their relationships. This not only applies to their romantic partners but also to their friendships and professional relationships.
In many cultures, a man’s pride and ego are considered important aspects of his identity, and they often fuel his appetite for respect and admiration from others. However, in certain cases, low self-esteem and a lack of confidence are the contributing factors causing many men to constantly crave respect from their peers.
They don’t talk about it – pride gets in the way. Instead, they suffer in silence, secretly wishing they had a safe space to express their feelings.
That’s why men place importance on being respected at home – it’s the only environment where they feel like they have control and authority in their lives.
To foster a healthy and productive relationship, you must remember the importance of showing respect, even during moments of conflict. This will not only build trust, but it’ll prove to him that you recognize his value as a man and your partner.
Cory A. Haywood a/k/a Cory “The Trainer” Haywood is a Motivational Speaker | Fitness Trainer • Relationship Coach • Communication Expert helping women rediscover their power and confidence. Learn more and contact Cory via: https://linktr.ee/corythetrainer
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