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Valentine’s Day is here, and for many people who find themselves single, a day that primarily focuses on (and caters to) romantic love and relationships can be difficult to maneuver through. I’m single this Valentine’s Day, and although there are opportunities for a little flirty date situation or cute time with my forever loves—my friends— this year, I am intentionally choosing to spend V-Day solo. I want to date myself this year and encourage myself to show up and give myself the same kind of love I give (and want to receive from) others.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that planning this solo, day-long date has been a bit challenging, even though I’ve been purposefully taking myself on solo dates for a while now. V-Day hits different. Just this morning, old photos of Valentine’s Days past crept into my social media memories. I wasn’t ready to remember how in love I was in those photos or ruminate on all the things that went wrong. I had to actively work to pause the negative inner voice that told me I was unlovable and that I may never find love again. Love is limitless and abundant, and we emotionally healthy certified lover girls know this to be true.
I’m also finally understanding, after lots of therapy and toolbox building, that I can only show up to give and receive the deep love I long for after I’ve done the work to show up with that love for myself. Plus, spending sweet and intentional time with ourselves helps us better understand who we are internally, not just who we present ourselves to be on our resumes or on our social media channels. In a world that seems to be moving towards AI domination, it’s vital that we know ourselves deeply and lean into who we are at our core—where we are the most vulnerable and soft and, thus, the most human.
So, back to the V-Day date planning.
I’ll begin my Valentine’s Day by reading, meditating and journaling on love.
Richard Bailey
One habit I’ve developed is being curious about my definitions of things. So often, we don’t have precise and personal meanings for what we experience and even hope to experience. I’ve begun being thoughtful about my definitions of words like love, care, safety and integrity. Recently, because I’m working to deepen my capacity for emotional intimacy, I’m thinking through and writing out my personal definitions for the different types of intimacy I want to experience: emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual intimacy. The thing is, we can’t communicate or attract what we want in life or love if we aren’t clear on our personal definitions.
I plan to take V-Day slow and spend extra time self-pampering and caring for myself.
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One thing I want to be deliberate about regarding V-Day is not to overspend and connect that capitalist impulse to self-love. There’s nothing wrong with splurging on spa time if it’s in your budget, of course. When thinking about adding extra time to our self-pampering rituals, we should contemplate all the things we do in a hurry to get up and out of the house each day, and give ourselves more time to not only do those things but to be present to how good rituals can feel if we give ourselves just a bit more time and grace to experience them. For me a remix of these daily rituals will look like listening to a playlist of my favorite love songs as I get ready for the day instead of listening to one of my favorite podcasts. After a luxurious morning shower and scrub, I’ll take more time than usual massaging and oiling my skin.
I’ll cook myself breakfast instead of grabbing something (probably less healthy) on my way outside.
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I know these tiny changes will have a significant impact on my mood for the day. Part of my definition of love is tenderness and patience. And while I believe I’m good at offering both to my lovers, I need to be more conscious of providing tenderness and patience to myself. A few tweaks to these daily rituals will be me reminding myself that I deserve to be handled gently and sweetly and how good it feels when that happens.
Later in the day, I’ll take myself out to dinner and eat something good for my body, and then I’ll go to a candlelight yoga practice. Yoga is my thing. Practicing it makes me feel beautiful and powerful, and practicing it by candlelight has become one of my favorite ways to calm my busy mind while also practicing light therapy and somatic exercise. Maybe I’ll buy myself flowers or a new plant on V-Day.
The point is I want to center my own pleasure and care this V-Day. I want to deepen the practice of showing myself that I am—in the words of our literary mother, Toni Morrison—my best thing. I want to stop my unfortunate habit of looking everywhere but within for the love, care and validation I desire. And what better day to practice this new way of being than on Valentine’s Day?
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