What are we teaching children with the viral #PutYourShoesOn challenge?

Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.

A healthy parent would never intentionally place their child in harm’s way or create unnecessary fear for their own entertainment. But the latest viral TikTok trend with parents terrorizing and laughing at children’s distress and garnering more laughs by sharing it publicly is testing that notion. 

The #PutYourShoesOn challenge has parents filming their children’s response as the parent orders them to “put on your shoes and help me fight” an adult who might be accompanied by a child around their child’s age. The parents are pranking their children for clicks, likes and shares—the digital currency many folks use to determine their own sense of worth.  

This challenge, which is allegedly designed to be humorous, has gotten more than five million views as of July 14, according to Distractify.com. The videos—which involve a multiracial cast of parents and children from all backgrounds—often have the parent boasting the results with captions like: “He stay ready,”  “Time to get it in, son,” “When yo baby wit all the smoke,” and “The boy couldn’t get them shoes on fast enough.” 

The trend has spread to sometimes include older siblings and other family members, but my main concern is for those involving parents and children—especially younger kids who aren’t yet old enough to resist or to think for themselves due to the stage of their brain development. 

There have been other viral video trends across several highly trafficked platforms in the digital universe over the years. We’ve seen parents smash cakes in children’s faces, throw cheese at them, “accidentally” throw water in their faces, punch stuffed animals to scare children into eating meals, cut their hair as punishment and engage other forms of digital shaming.

But this #PutYourShoesOn challenge is especially concerning because it both reflects and potentially contributes to the epidemic of violence that is so core to American culture. It is a continuation of a video trend where parents encourage their kids to fight other children—at schools and in the neighborhood—cheering the kids on and sometimes joining in.  Sites like YouTube and WorldStar are rife with these videos.

At the same time, we’re seeing a rise in school violence—students attacking other students as well as teachers and administrators—some for TikTok challenges. Schools are also dealing with parents who come to campus to fight students, teachers and other parents. 

One of my main concerns is that this challenge spotlights parents clearly grooming their children—especially the Black, brown, and economically disadvantaged white kids—for the school-to-prison pipeline and state-sponsored culture. 

By prompting them to respond unthinkingly with violent behavior, these kids are more likely to act out at school and in the streets, where the systems are poised to further fracture their family structures and damage their young lives via foster care, juvenile detention, and even prison. 

We can’t discount the damage to a child’s developing psyche when their parents are recording them for public entertainment, judgment and ridicule on the internet—where content can live forever and haunt them as they grow. 

But while schools try to promote nonviolent conflict resolution and anti-bullying programs, social media challenges are encouraging overall violence with an emphasis on entertainment value. And these challenges are feeding an appetite to view adults committing mental, emotional, and psychological violence against their own children.  

So, should we be surprised that kids are bringing such negative behavior into the streets and schools when it is being normalized at home?  These social media trends make it harder than ever to try to prevent it or promote healthier alternatives to conflict.  

Some of the kids are instantly ready to fight in the #PutYourShoesOn videos, which begs some important questions: What happened in their early childhood years that has them so ready to jump bad and defend the big people in their families? What in their environment helped to shape their rapidly developing neural pathways to be primed for conflict and violence in the first place? 

Ironically, these scenarios can act as a toxic form of parent-child bonding and solidarity, fostering a sense of “us against the world.” While developmentally inappropriate, these dynamics can help a child feel responsible for their parent’s well-being long before they reach adulthood.  Rather than help these young people develop the life skills they’ll need to navigate life’s challenges and conflicts in healthy ways, too many of us are normalizing dysfunction. 

The media are weighing in on this #PutYourShoesOn challenge. Newsweek dubs it “hilarious, fun, and harmless.” YourTango notes how it’s sparking debate. Parents magazine cites the “polarizing trend,” and Distractify reports how it has “divided social media.” 

Tv commentator and Temple professor Marc Lamont Hill said on Twitter, “It makes me sad when I see children publicly exploited for internet clout. Whether it’s intentionally making them cry, giving them humiliating punishments, or exposing their most intimate moments, we must all do better to protect their dignity and their innocence.” 

Even the hosts of the hugely popular radio show today! 

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